Wednesday, August 31, 2005

My Encounter With A Real Published Author

I met a local author recently. It's funny because I met her in stages. Stages and intervals of communication problems, IE the internet and phone problems. I'm the service tech for her area. And she was in the final stage of editing her book which took 5 yrs to write when I first met Ms. Sloan. I remember more of her plight to get published than her technical communication difficulties. Upon my second visit she had found a publisher, my third visit revealed the picture on her screen saver of the front cover of her soon to be published book, and lull and behold my most recent visit yeided the published book. I course, I bought a copy and had her sign it.

Ms. Soan lives in a small apartment and works as a cashier at a local truck stop. She is soon to celebrate her 60th birthday. And guess what readers, she is living her dream.....she's published!!!!!!

I just finished reading "Bridges" by L.P. Sloan and I loved it. I am not a fan of fiction which I explained to Ms. Sloan. I like real true stories. That's what inspires and interests me.

She replied, "All fiction is based on reality." She explained that she uses episodes and characters out of her life to use as writing material. Well, I had to read her book. After all she is a real published author.

You can find her book on amazon.com. The ISBN is 1-58832-122-3. This book made me think about the crossroads in my own life and the decisions I made and the consequences that followed. It made me laugh and made me cry. It's marketed as juvenille fiction-family. As a former home-schooler, I'd reccommend this for jr high to high school aged kids. At 152 pgs., it's a quick enjoyable read.

I have skimmed the pages of other local authors at book signings and quite honestly haven't read a book I'd recommend. They are at the book store because they are local people (maybe have a story of local interest)not because of their writing ability. Their book doesn't make much of a splash past the local area. L.P. Sloan is not in that category. Her book reminds me of "To Kill A Mockingbird" with characters like Aticus Finch and Scout. Ms. Sloan truly has writing talent.

Thanks God for gifted writers and publishers smart enough to print their work.

Monday, August 29, 2005

Ungodly Focus

I am bothered by a friend and her preoccupaton with her size 3, used to be, back in the day body. This is a Christian woman who talks of how the men in her office all wagered who would bed her. According to her account, no one did. It seems to me she was a bit the tease. She retells this story with joy in her voice. She is in her 50's now and battling the bulge.

I knew from a very early age(around 14)that many men only like you because of the way you look. You are nothing more than an accessory easily added and easily discarded. Who in their right mind wants this kind of attention? The very insecure who believe their only asset is their looks. Please...beauty is fleeting.

I enjoy a pretty face, whether that face belongs to a man, woman, or child as much as the next person. I find solace in a beautiful heart. Unfortunately many beautiful faces don't match up with beautiful hearts. We didn't pick our faces. God formed them in our mother's womb. Time etched the joy and sorrows of our lives and, nature's elements on that flesh canvas for all to see.

God gave us the gift of free will. I can decide if I will nurture a heart that earnestly chases after God. I can examine my motives and see if they are in line with God's word. I can pray and ask the heavenly Father to prune my sinful selfish nature.

What to do with a less than pretty face?.... I could go to a plastic surgeon and have him alter my less appealing features. But as a christian where should my focus be...on the condition of my heart or my flesh?

I often think about 2 verses when I observe people or listen to them talk.
(1. Luke 6:45 The good man brings good things out of the good stored in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks.
(2. 1John 2:16 "For everything in the world-the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what man has and does-comes not from the Father but from the world.
THIS is why my friend is bugging me.

I am learning to apply Micah 6:8 "Do justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with thy God." When this friend talks about her old figure and her past successful business dealings, I find myself really disliking her. I'm not jealous of her past beauty or money. I came from an upper middle class family and was a pretty young lady back in my day also. But really, who cares?!!!!!!!! I am going to have to confront this friend in love knowing that it is only by God's grace that I'm not living back in the day. I am learning to have mercy because I want to get in her face and scream, "Get over yourself!!!!" Instead; I am praying that I have a heart that sees her soul instead of her sin.

Teach me Lord to see all mankind as you do. Help me to lovingly see the Godly potential in others. Help me to encourage others in their walk with you. Grant me insight and wisdom to see and help nurture the spiritual heart in myself and in others.

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Meg's Story

There is a 47 yr old woman at my church who has been diagnosed as bipolar , manic depressive, and schizophrenic. She was sexually abused as a child by her father. She later married an abusive man. She then married an emotionally distant man and had many lovers during that marriage. She spent time in a mental ward and received numerous electric shock treatments. As a result she has forgotten portions of her past. She is now divorced, and lives in public housing on $512 a month.


I go to a pentecostal church so there are times when it is normative to go to the alter during worship if one is particularly moved to do so. Two months ago Meg* had an episode right after worship. She had her arms wrapped around herself in a hugging grip and, she paced back and forth at the alter during worship.

She screamed, "The voice says that everyone needs to run to the alter because my daddy is loving me. You need to run up and feel this love."
Meg's voice was very raspy and demanding. No one went to the alter.

Again she yelled, " God says you must run up here before it is too late."
No one moved. My pastor then motioned for one of the deacons to come forward and Meg's 21 yr old son. They were able to quietly talk her into leaving the service. She was consoled in another room and was hospitalized that evening. (* not her real name)

Meg is again acting strangely. She talks too loudly, wants to sit in the place that some parishoners' husbands usually sit and leaves in a huff when the spouse comes to take their seat. She shows up at events for seniors (she is not a senior) and is distractive. She even invites herself to lunch with some of the church crowd after service. She'll then walk barefoot in the restaurant, make crude doves out of paper to give to whom-ever is around, and then put her arm around the waitress making it hard for the waitress to get away. Her car has recently been impounded because she was driving in the wrong direction on a major interstate highway.

I believe Meg isn't taking her medicine. I truly feel bad for Meg. I feel embarrassed for her and her son. Many people think there is some demonic oppression and don't want Meg around. She does make everyone feel uncomfortable, even if you have a tender heart for her situation. Her son is in college and is studying to be in the ministry. I am praying for her and her son. My heart ache's for the pain this lady has suffered in her past. I wonder what God would have me do.

I called my pastor and, he said that we should comfront Meg in love when she acts inappropriately. He didn't seem to have any other advice or plan as to what we should do with Meg. I don't know what I expected him to say or do. I suggested a crisis intervention with people she knows and loves. Maybe we could get Meg into the hospital. Pastor didn't think they would take her for very long this time. He didn't reply to my intervention idea.

I know God loves Meg and has a plan for her life. I pray that as a church we are a helping hand and not a stumbling block. As Jesus says in Matthew 25:36, ".....I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me." Jesus speaks, in Matthew 25:40 ,"...I tell you the truth, whatever you did for the least of one of these brothers of mine, you did for me."

I just got a call telling me that Meg is in the hospital. She created some sort of disturbance at her apartment building. I pray God's helping hands and loving arms heal Meg of all her past hurts.

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

The Hideous Quartet

Fear crept in last week. It started with worry, then regret followed, along with lack of faith. What a hideous quartet!

My 5th year anniversary commemorating the start of my employment is arriving. I recieved in the mail a congratulatory letter with a catalog of gift items to choose from to honor this career milestone. I can't believe it's been 5 years. I thought of how much my life has changed since my hire date. I was going through a divorce then. I am now divorced. I was a home-schooling mom. I am now a career woman. I climb utilty poles as part of my job duties for a communications company. When I started, I prayed every time I climbed the ladder with knees shaking. I was fearful of heights. I now pray that I don't become complacent and careless. I pray I stay keenly aware of the safety hazards before me.

I thought about my age and how much longer can I possibly do this. I visited the pain and disappointment of a failed marriage. I missed the life of a home schooling mom. I looked into the future with my "natural" eyes and it looked bleak . My stomach was churning and I literally felt sick. Gloom and despair were flittering moths inside my stomach.

Fear accompanied me to bed that night. I let him climb in with me. I pulled the covers tight around us both. I dreamt of visiting an elderly couple in a victorian house with my ex husband (although he wasn't my ex in the dream.) Upon arrival, I discovered they had been murdered. Their bodies are left lying in a pool of blood. My attention is quickly diverted to this house with it's collection of unique ornate victorian items, almost a museum of sorts. I was looking at some of the deceased couple's collection. I am riffling through their stuff. It's a dream mind you. I boy of about 12 arrives looking for the older couple because they were to attend a symphony that evening with him. I pull a knife out and put it to the kid's throat. It's a dream.....I ask about the food he is carrying and tell him that we need to be cautious because he could be someone who might want to poison the couple. Why do I do this? I do it because I am in a house with murdered people and I find myself captivated by their belongings so I am going through their stuff out of curoisity. I am ashamed to be caught by the boy and am trying to cover up the fact that I am wandering this museum house with dead people whom I didn't kill....but who'd believe it now? I mean who decides to take a house tour after finding murdered people? Now I am sure that I am going to go to prison for murdering these people because who would pull a knife on a kid unless they were guilty?......My husband? He is just standing there. I made all these decisions without his input. So we leave in different cars and when I get home I find he is having a garage sale and selling my prized possessions. "That's it." I say. " I'm divorcing you!" I wake up. Fear has been replaced with dread.

I don't want to go to work. Of course, I go. I need the money. This is not the life I planned. I am starting from square one after 23 years of marriage. I didn't deserve this and neither did my kids.


These thoughts direct my focus from time to time. Something triggers them and then...fear,worry,regret, and lack of faith show up. These are not the tools of an intercessor. These are tools of the devil. The horned one wraps them up as a devilish present. I take them out and amuse myself with them.

I run to my heavenly Father. He reminds me of Phillipians 4:8 "Whatsoever things are pure....whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are true....think on these things." My Father also reminds me that he knows the plans he has for me , plans to give me a future and a hope (Jeremiah 29:11.) He tells me that he is the creator of the universe and that there is nothing too hard for him. He whispers in my ear of the love he has for me. I am once again refreshed and made whole by God's word. Faith in my God is stirred up by meditating on the word and God's ever present faithfulness.

Help me Lord to focus on your word, your plans, your love, and your power. Help me to keep foremost in my mind that he who is within me is greater than he who is within the world. Let the Holy Spirit guide me as he guided Christ. Keep me on the narrow path. Grant me a heart that is obedient to your callings. Let my mind stay convinced of your faithfulness.

Monday, August 01, 2005

Laughter

I heard it for the first time today. I should say, I over-heard it. For I was the observer, and an enchanted spectator at that. My grand-baby laughed. It was a deep belly laugh from the depths of her little soul with mouth open wide while revealing a gummy smile. She laughed at Bonnie whose dancing blue eyes and animated limbs spring forth the contagious joy of the Lord. Bonnie is God's cheer-leader at church who leads in the loud Amens, Hallelujahs, and preach-it-pastors every Sunday morning.

I have tried to get a little giggle out of my Em. I get smiles galore but, no laugh. Babies won't feign a laugh.....everything about them is genuine. I delight in a baby's laughter because of it's authenticity. I marvel at an infant's God-given ability to express joy in this way....in laughter stirs the very beginnings of their communication process. How glorious of God to create us in this way. The joy of the Lord lives within my dear friend Bonnie. It was only natural for Em to delight in Bonnie and express her toothless gummy laugh for all to see and enjoy.....especially for me.

Thanks God for babies, friends, smiles, and laughter.