Grace?

Grace is so easy to receive but I often find it hard to give. When deeply wounded by someone you love, grace is a difficult thing. My heart mourns and grieves for the best I saw in him. My hope is ripped away to show an ugly truth. Usually a selfish sin but one of the heart...a heart meant not to share is stabbed with the knife of betrayal and it crushes my hopeful soul so I can't breathe. My mind is perplexed and I can't think logical thoughts. Love wouldn't do such things. Love wouldn't dream of it. Honor could not stand the thought of it. And loyalty would not entertain the thought. How can he love me? How could it be possible. He must still have love for her and I have no room for this. Where is the honorable man who promised his undivided love. It must be a lie. Where your heart is your actions will follow. I still grieve and struggle this painful truth of betrayal and I don't fully trust. Because of my ex these old wounds are still there clothed but under the surface and tender like a fresh bruise. They really never have completely healed. When touched by a small poke ( a comment or inconsiderate action) that awakens these pains of the past, I react like a bad wound poked but covered up. When hurts of the past resurface and combine with your betrayal having similar qualities, I lump them together in the deep of my soul and grapple with the pain and the grace I know the Lord wants me to give. God help me because I do love him. Help me God not to judge lest I be judged.

When Job forgave and prayed for his friends, the Lord blessed him. Job42:3 says that the Lord blessed the later part of Job's life more than the first. Help me God to remove this bitterness of the soul and replace it with a heart of grace.